Raven and the Death Pepper
by tastymangopudding
Summary: A short, silly, VERY bad story. Feel free to rate and review. No flames please! Rated for language and weird moments. I don't own teen titans!


Raven and the Death Pepper "I'm back!" Four heads turned to the voice of their leader. "What'd you go out to get, Robin?" Asked a curious Beast Boy. "Well, there was a sale at the local market on... *duh duh DUH!* the dreaded PERUVIAN DEATH PEPPERS!" Robin replied cheerfully. "DAYUM son!" Cyborg shouted. "My database estimates them at 50 million scoville heat units each!" "I shall prepare these peppers of death for the dinner!" Starfire exclaimed. "Mmm." Raven mumbled without looking up from her book. Later, at dinner time "Oh GAWD, my eyes are on fire!" Beast Boy shouted, dashing out of the kitchen. "What happened?" Robin asked. "Are you hurt?" "He breathed in the scent of the pepper of death," Starfire said in response. "I have made them into a stew of the vegetables I found on the line!" "Let's eat!" Cyborg exclaimed. Starfire hastily poured everyone a bowlful. "I'm taking the first bite!" Robin shouted. He gulped down a spoonful. "How does it taste?" Inquired Starfire. "I have cooked it to the earthly version of perfection." "I-it's great s-star," Robin responded, gulping down the gallon of milk cyborg handed to him, whilst attempting to hold back the flood of pained tears from the fire. "Booyah!" Cyborg shouted, drinking his entire bowlful in one gulp. "I am SO good!" "Maybe it has something to do with you being half-robot, dude," Beast Boy said dejectedly, having declined to eat his stew. "It is most wonderful, is it not?" Starfire asked, finishing her stew. "Y-yeah Star," Robin said, pressing ice cubes to his face. "Alright Rae," Cyborg said. "Your turn!" "Gee, this looks delicious," Raven responded, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I am glad you find it visually appealing!" Starfire exclaimed happily, not taking the hint. "Here goes nothing," Raven said with a sigh. She gulped her first spoonful. What ensued was a mass of fire, agony, tears, profanity, and destruction, which is too graphic to be described here. After Raven dashed to her room screaming, Cyborg cleaned up the mess of spilled stew, which had melted through the tablecloth. Robin was attempting to comfort Starfire, who was in tears from Raven's harsh description of her cooking. "Raven just overreacted, that's all," He was saying over and over. "Yeah," Cyborg added. "She's just not used to it." "Mmm." Beast Boy said, whilst playing Injustice: Gods Among Us™. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Raven used all the spells and incantations she could to try and quell the fiery pain she felt, but nothing was working. "Aaah! God dammit!" She shouted, slamming her pillow against the wall. She was sick of Starfire's stupid cooking, and angry that she had cried in front of the other titans, even if it was an involuntary reaction. She eventually tired out from all the spell casting and lay down to sleep. The next morning Raven woke up with a bad feeling in her bowels. Oh shit, she thought, as she ran for the bathroom. Yanking off her hooded cape and pulling her leotard down, she sat on the toilet and braced for the inevitable onslaught. The first "breakthrough" was a red ring of fire. "Aaaah!" She screamed, feeling as if a portal to hell had opened in her, well, you know. More and more nastiness poured out, creating an agony she had never felt before. "Oh god oh god OH GOD," Raven said frantically. The unending fire was tearing her up. Knock knock knock! "Umm... Raven?"said Robin's voice tentatively on the other side. "Go awa-AARGH!" Raven shrieked as another fireball burst forth. "This is all Starfire's fault!" "Oh... Um, I think I know what this is about..." Robin said meekly. "B-be right back!" Time passes "Rae? You okay in there?" Cyborg's voice pierced Raven's thoughts of pain and terror. "I think I know what to do. Can I come in?" "NO!" Was the reply. Another burst of death came forth. "Aaaaah! O-okay Cyborg." Raven said apprehensively. She unlocked the door telepathically. Click! Cyborg entered the room. "Umm. C-can I see, Raven?" He asked. Groaning, Raven lifted of the seat slightly. "Oh DAYUM!" Cyborg exclaimed. "I'm almost afraid to ask," said Raven. "You may not like this much, Rae." Cyborg said. "Bend over." Gritting her teeth, Raven bent over. She felt unbearable pain as Cyborg poked and prodded her newly tenderized areas. "Is she going to be alright?" Starfire asked. "I hope so, Star." Robin replied. "I hope so..." Later that night Cyborg emerged from the bathroom. The other three gasped. Cy was covered with a mass of excrement, scorch marks, and blood. "Raven will recover, but it'll take a while. You all should leave now." After they left, Cyborg lowered Raven's limp, nude form into her bed. "G'night Raven," he whispered. "Thanks Cy..." She responded weakly, before passing out. 


End file.
